I am so tired right now that I should be in bed, but here I sit...checking mail, paying bills, cutting coupons, etc. I have picked up the house and I am ready for tomorrow but I am really? I have been pretty tired lately and bummed out. All in all overwhelmed with my life and not knowing what to do about it. So maybe writing my thoughts will help?
I love being at home with the boys, but sometimes I don't feel as if I really "do" anything. I don't have accomplishments, or even goals for that matter. I know my purpose in life is to glorify God I just don't know how that looks sometimes while raising my boys. I feel that all I do doesn't really matter and it wouldn't be missed if I were gone. Now don't go feeling sorry for me, I am just thinking here! God is trying to show me something, but I really am not listening! I have so much other stuff going on that I forget to focus on Him daily and this other stuff wouldn't matter.
Cory and I talked about this a lot last week when I had my major meltdowns, but I really started thinking more while driving to and from Guymon and Duncan both this weekend. I think I need to say no more because serving and ministering to others is great and that is what God wants, but am I doing it because that is what He called me to do. I need to start listening to him more! Didn't I just type that?
I am reading scripture and a few other things that are helping me get this focus back, but it is hard when you are the mother of two children 3 and under! I pray God understands and shows me a little of his grace and mercy for yet another day! I am thankful for it and know I need it!
1 comment:
Hey Kara,
I just read this. I know you are sometimes discouraged about "just staying at home" but you are doing the best job ever - raising kids - deveoping their character and personalities. you are leaving a legacy - kids who will glorigy God. I often feel that everything I do all day is useless. I work 12-14 hours and day and practically pour my blood into these kids and they still get a 40% average on a test. they don't respect or appreciate me. niether do their parents. when I die there will be nothing let behind - no husband who's life was better due to me, no kids that I trained and raised... nothing. so be encouraged about your job. it is making a difference!!!!
Bobbi Jo
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